From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize