I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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