I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
