He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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