Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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