I am full of burrito and curiosity
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
