she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
