my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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