Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
