4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
