so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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