I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
