my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
