youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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