I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
