I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this boner is exhausting
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize