just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
