They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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