What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
