Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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