who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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