other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
