the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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