I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
