When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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