Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
