We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
