Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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