Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
