I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
