Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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