a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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