I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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