The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
