Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
