I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
