How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
