We're facebook friends in real life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
