WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
