she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
