I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't special order awesome
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
