you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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