No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
