I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were destined to go to rehab together
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
