did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
