if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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