I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
