after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
