All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Even my vagina gasped.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
