I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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