Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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