Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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