I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
