the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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