So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
