So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
