Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
