I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
