so that wasnt chicken after all
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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