dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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