and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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