he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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