is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
