Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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