I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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