If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
