So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
